I also started my training yesterday. Still having a cold, it was dreadful. I was constantly sniffling. So, what am I being trained for? Well, I’m going to be a janitor. Yep, I’m going to clean dirty toilets and other unpleasant things. At one point yesterday, I was just cleaning some sinks, and two fat cockroaches popped out of the faucet to say hello. It was disgusting. It was at that point that I realized that I would be in less than ideal circumstances.
I’m being trained in a place called Woodrow Wilson, which is basically a back to work program sponsored by the state. It’s in Fishersville, which to be more accurate, is in the middle of nowhere. I hate being cut off from my friends and family. I feel like I’m losing my mind up here.
I just want to go back to school for writing. I want to get a decent job and save up. Being a janitor may not be glamorous, but if I can do it, then I can in some sense move forward in life. I really need this to work. I’m tired of constantly screwing up, and I just want for something to go right. If I can last three months for training, then I’ll get a certificate for employment, and have some references behind me. That would help.
If I could make around nine dollars an hour, and be treated respectfully by my employer, I’ll be a janitor. I just wish I could start now. It might be best for me to up here, however. For basic practicality, I get to learn basic cleaning skills. It sounds simple, but some things I never learned. It also could be beneficial being up here because of my weight. Perhaps shadowing another janitor five days a week in eight hour shifts will help me lose a lot of the weight I’ve put on in the last few years.
I’m not sure what God is calling me to do. The only positive development was that I met some fellow Christians yesterday. We decided to start a men’s group. For the first time, I didn’t feel so alone up here. So, that’s good news.
I just want to do the right thing. I don’t want to always run away when things get hard. I just don’t know what to do. I’m praying I feel better, both physically and emotionally. God help me.