Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A Christian Again

So, I guess it’s time to call myself a Christian again. I certainly don’t feel any happier than when I wrote that atheistic post. In fact, I feel just as terrible. As is usual for the last five or six years, I don’t feel anything. I just feel a gnawing emptiness. All that’s left is hate and fear. Still, I’d take that over nothing, which is what I usually get. I just don’t care anymore. There used to be a time when I liked doing things, no more. I’m just a shell of my broken dreams.
Well, that certainly doesn’t sound very triumphant, huh? I could write that I’ve figured out all the things that don’t make sense in Christianity… but I’d be lying. I don’t understand. I just don’t understand why life is the way it is.

Yet, I do see hope in the Christian narrative. Jesus is a figure of absolute love. I think believing that there’s a God out there who loves everyone so much that he died for them, is something worth holding on to. There has to be something more than just suffering on this mudball of a planet.

Otherwise, I would walk a dark path that I've already been down before. I’d rather not do that, so I’ll believe in Jesus. That’s all I can think of to say. 


  1. Thanks for writing this Alex. I think this is well said. Honest. Not claiming more than is there, or pretending everything is ok. I will be praying that God will bring more clarity to you as you continue to trust Him, as much as you are able. I enjoyed our time hanging out today. Peace.

  2. You write and think perfectly clear about your beliefs and with that I expect in time, this will cause clarity that will come into your life to give you peace, purpose and happiness. I love you, never give up and I am very happy to know you believe in Jesus.