It wasn't until I lay awake in bed one night full of fear and anger when I realized that things couldn't continue the way they were, or else I would just try to take my own life again. I felt compelled to read about Jesus, because out of all the religions and worldviews that I knew of, he was the only figure that offered pure love and forgiveness. I resisted for a long time, because I was an atheist, and I blamed God for my problems. Despite my disbelief, I started really reading the Bible, and in particular the Gospels for the first time. It didn't take long for my conversion to happen then. It was right at the Gospel of Matthew that I found that Jesus was a flawless moral teacher in the Sermon on the Mount. I read more and grew to understand that God unconditionally loved me, just the way I am.
It finally hit me that God's only son, Jesus Christ, willingly suffered and died for our sins. He saw how evil we were, but he decided to save us anyway; that is love beyond this world. I remember that day, May 22, and how I went from reading Jesus' words in the library, to walking directly to my car, sitting down, and praying a heartfelt prayer that I accepted Jesus as my savior.
I still struggle. I struggle a lot. I'm cowardly, greedy, and, like everyone else, reflect the image of imperfection. However, God loves me anyway, and through him I know I can better myself. Before I had no hope, now I can see glory beyond the horizon.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
